goodbye lolo.

the earth revolves around whoever

kem cup final results: prc in sixth place (out of 6), dragging 400 points behind the 5th placer.

feeling: sad but content. did not win in final event. *winkwink*

i hate myself for this but then... i hate not winning. especially in this game. i had worked so hard for this, but it did not pay off. i resorted to blaming others for this. i know it's bad, so i stopped doing that.

winning. such a dangerous word. people do things just to win. a lot of people cheat and lie just to win. it has become an ordinary thing to be competitive, to win.

KEM has this tradition of winning, of being competitive by playing without cheating. therefore, the members who compete must be very good because a lot of their competitors are good and also cheat.. this is true for some cases. some cases, luck gets in the way of competence. nobody is perfect, and i believe although we always say that we play games cleanly, we cheat. maybe subconsciusly. or unintentionally. but i'm not pointing.

---
let me mention janine. she is one of the persons i know who lives her life by her own rules. she filters stuff said to her. for this, she might be happier than i am.

i do not filter. i accept. i absorb. that's why i get emotional a lot of times. but i try to change. let the earth revolve around me, for me. let it not revolve around whoever in my life. life is meant to be lived not on one set of rules. sometimes, nasasakal na rin ako. i hate being bound so much.

---
pat is going home on tuesday. so i hope she sends the letter now so i can work on it. or maybe she will herself.

what good is a language if you do not use it properly.

do these for the kicks

visit the newest, coolest, most popular blog related to Philippine Television: click this

play this confusing but highly philosophical rpg taken from the harry potter books: this now

do a meme: and this

or just dance around naked, if that pleases you. but have mercy. the world may not be ready...

---
just watched 3 episodes of the 1st season of desperate housewives that i have watched on tv. seems such a waste. maybe. but this overnight was worth it because i have finished substantial amount of sp work. yay!

things i could have given that i am in the most normal situation possible:
1. have a lot of time to do things i wanted to do such as
a. study
b.watch more movies
c. buy things
d. have cash to buy things
e. possible side job to accomplish d. and therefore c.
f. focus on a certain project i wantyed to do
2. speak my mind more freely on some things
3. react more freely
4. control my fat, sugar, salt and other bad things intake more

but still thankful.

things i've lost but just realized:
1. my great optimism
2. my absorbent mind
3. a large eagerness to learn new things
4. energy to do things unnecessary but otherwise good
5. a ton of laughter
6. trust in most people
7. a lot of shyness, or tact or both
8. some humility
9. some patience (internally)
10. setting aside time for more important things
and more others

things i've gained
1. respect for others
2. patience
3. appreciation for the tiniest speck of work delivered
4. seeing things in different perspectives
5. fighting arguments that just won't do
6. love of order
7. importance of a single voice of every person

things i want for christmas
1. my lolo
2. gifts
3. rest and recreation
4. ccp greatness
5. academic excellence
6. peace between sibs
7. comfort food
8. i want my committee back

love hurts. [indulge yourself in giving interpretations]
----
happy birthday to the father figure of KEM. the "won it in a row" VP. the epitome of WAM. the 3x amplitude singer. the strongman. the huggable "habibi" (tama ba?) of **gg*. the lovable, the harsh, the great, i mean big: Michael Brando Castro

as i've always said, i can never be half the person you are.

kem cup joys

i love my prc apps! they are such dear people who, day in and day out, never fail their vp. and they got prc a bazillion points, just for appearing, sometimes winning.

i realized that there is a lot of things i have to be happy about. throughout the week, i had been the whiny, irritated person who watched out for the technicalities before, during and after the games. i really wanted to win. not only for myself, so that i can brag it to my ec mates, but really all of it for prc. they are such talented people, i know that, and people see that. but we are not winning.

people are happy when they compete against prc for two reasons. one, we will cause the less movement of places, since we are dead last (with 200 points between us and the next committee). two, because of our losing streak, we are the easiest team to beat. the first reason brings joy to me because, i wanted this activity to be a happy one for all of us. if we win, everybody is happy. reason number two is sad. but it has basis. but people should not say that to our face, moreover say it all because we might just beat them. and that has a basis too. right? or maybe he meant reason number one.

don't get me wrong, i am just that penguin protecting his baby penguin eggs in the middle of the winter. and i am sorry if i misinterpreted the ccp thing. i thought that we should already do that. but maybe it's too late now. but there is still next year.

as for me and my committee. we are happy, win or lose. at least, the ones who are playing.


----
got sick this weekend, during my emergency coming home last saturday. lolo is now in his most critical level, and the whole family is getting ready. for the whole weekend i just rested so i can go back to school on monday. i sleep every 4 hours for at least 3 hours because i get tired sniffing and coughing and breathing. when i force myself to sleep on sunday night, i couldn't sleep for two reasons. a) i had too much to sleep b) i kept thinking about lolo and how would it feel like. everything happens so fast. two weeks ago i saw him at home, relatively healthy and walking on his own. then the following week, he's in the hospital, because he fell from the bed, but seems to have recovered, and is looking okay. then now, he's in the icu, on life support. he still wakes up but his organs are slowly failing. the family is preparing--. papa had this "did your lolo do anything to you that you haven't forgiven?" conversation with me. it was scary. everything this weekend was like a tornado blowing me with it, and flinging me elsewhere.

then i return to school last monday with a bucketful splash of cold water. everyone told me how prc suffered during ham2. i nearly cried (with those tantrum moves i did as a child). but can not do anything but say sorry. i also failed to make people go to ham2 by texting. well, that weekend, the ham2 or the bowling sepkember was the least of my concerns. i have life-death-health situations in my hands so i wanted people to shut up and stop haunting me for being the ham2 no show.

and now. i cherish my prc family. the people i love. the people who love prc. makes the pain worth it.

i'd like to acknowledge: prc apps, ceres, mina, fra and steve. special mention: martin i appreciate that a lot.

some things cannot be understood on their own. some need to be said early on.

peace and quiet

no more.

---
it is a most awkward and at the same time good time to blog. it is the aftermath of my heated discussion with gary about things that i, among other people wanted to change but can't anymore, our unexpected 122 exam coverage (what i studied did not appear), the stormy 133 take home exam (and all the drama), and the unfortunate loss of the PRC team.

by 8 pm today i concluded that this day sucked even without the help of the 1xx things i had to do today. well, one of the reasons is my eng'g varsity banner frustration. if only it weren't exam week. and a lot more, which includes minding my laundry problems.

anyway, before i delve into much angsty teenage trash and much more about me (and how everyone has become self-centered. i said everyone.), i would like to say happy birthday to the best fincom vp i had ever worked with (minus the nagging and the can't-get-out-of-head financial obligations reminders in 6th octave). and who can resist her celestial face? the freshest face of the ChE Department:
Celeste Mae Dimagiba (sept. 12)

----
okay, back to earth. last monday was KEM cup opening and we had an opening program with cheering and oath and a game to start everything. it started at 5:30 pm. i had an exam at 5-8pm. so, not wanting to leave my committee VP-less, i answered the exam so fast and finished at 6:15 pm. i just hope i pass. at least. but i love my committee. and i am a little confident about my answers naman. there's still the acad cup.

and, "dears" is a word. an acceptable word. check the 8th paragraph of this novel. (click here)

but love causes pain, as i have experienced today. we didn't have players for 2 games because i wasn't there to prompt people. i had to finish and print my 133 exam and also the engg var banner which was really small and--. anyway, the other game was held 5:30 pm, so i cannot play again because of our 122 exam. and no one else played. for prc. very heartbreaking. but there are 8 more days.

i came home last saturday to find everything in disarray at home. turns out, lolo was brought to the hospital last monday (sept 4, but probably tuesday, i'm not so sure) because he fell from his bed and got his head hurt. mama told me that lolo and lola's househelp plus my two younger sisters and lola cannot and did not do anything when that happened. good thing mama and papa were a block away and they brought lolo to the hospital (it was 2 am). i visited him last sunday and he's feeling so much better even with an inch-long wound (with stitches).

also, i watched desperate housewives again on studio 23 (they are a season delayed from the US telecast). the episode featured a prayer that i like to use to end this entry.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
worldprayers.org

defining myself

it is so hard to define one's self. it is not entirely on the things we do and say. also we, much more, other people cannot define us. so i relied on some cheap but probably true piece of web fun.

knock your socks off trying this.

Jerome -- [adjective]: Similar to butter in texture and appearance 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Luigi -- [adjective]: Full of bees 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Ramirez -- [noun]: A person who laughs at anything (even this entry) 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

that's all.