our computer caught a virus from some, i dunno, infected site on the internet. it was sick for about 2 months and now, it's back, fresh from kuya marc's (our cousin) workshop or something like that. now, he re-formatted the hard drive and purged all our files, the programs we installed prior to the infection, all our memories and emotional investments, which were based on this computer. so, starting anew, the new system had been upgraded to windows 2000 professional, whatever hidden meaning it carries, from our relatively antique windows 98. let me say that this computer, i think, is only for text files because it has only 4 GB of disk space, and it is shared by our whole family (of 8, children plus papa, mama has own in office, and she seldom is associated with computer stuff anyways), including our grandparents (lola, usually, when she asks kuya to receive/send email to our relatives in the US). okay, so, a clean slate, an upgraded one, yes. it is a little hard of course, like when one transfers to a new house or school, or when one gets a new car or pair of shoes (new shoes make the feet ache). so, good points about this new computer: it has, thank goodness, an anti-virus software. and that's what i have discovered so far. first week of use, i had used my flash drive on this computer--it worked, thank goodness again. and, i had installed a new game, zuma, from the pack of games i got from janine last april (i should have installed the games at the start of the summer for my, and my sibs' enjoyment, but then...), which costed us some megabytes, and potential failing grades for my sibs if they discovered the game. (i wont fail because of some PC game because i dont get addicted to PC games, and this computer is here while im at UP) one sad thing about getting a clean hard drive is that all programs installed beforehand were erased. including the modem installation. so, i went to re-install the modem, but the computer cannot recognize the modem installed, so we have to find a modem installer cd. who knows where? i dunno. but kuya marc said he would find something. we would too, i just hope i know what to find. no internet for about at least a month.
here i am typing in notepad, without the needed internet access, so im blogging offline now. its okay actually, becasue i dont have to mind the use of internet time (if im using prepaid). i simply have to copy-paste later, and thus it saves me time. enough of the long introduction. and now on the main thing.
i had spent half the summer doing work on photoshop, recently (last monday and tuesday) for almost the whole day. the last work i did was the marketing kit and fopc exhibit. it was very draining and tiring, and i hated the whole stay-at-a-room-in-front-of-a-machine-sitting-down-squeezing-your-brain-for-ideas kind of thing. i hope i can have work far from this when after i graduate. so, what's the big deal? i am one of the two graphic artists (lesser than a graphic artist, more of an obliged person, who happens to know a bit of photoshop) in the ec. since our term began, lots of graphic work had been pouring out. but then, i am not the only one with lots of work. celeste has been working her ass off making budgets for the whole semester, and marketing, and managing what we have so far. gary has not been sleeping effectively these past weeks, becasue of the fopc work. the rest of the ec are also caught up with fopc work, and their summer academics. well, aside from maja, who is also working, aside from helping in fopc, and mike who is working full time in a far, far place, so he didnt work hands-on in fopc. i completely understand the situation, just so we'd be clear.
i had repeated fopc a lot of times in this blog post, but it really sucks. fopc sucks. but all for the greater glory of one's organization, and the service to the freshmen of this problematic university. is there a university where students spend a potload of money for a pile of freshies and a little award? yes there is. is there a university where students compromise their moralities just to get the lead on the race to get a seemingly precious citation, where in fact all you get is 'congratulations for being one of the top 5, now you work.'? is there a university where people do not know that putting a pet bottle full of water in a bag of supposedly empty, crushed pet bottles is very much wrong, not to mention greatly unbecoming of a modest, honest, upper-society person? there is. and i am not saying these things at random. i am pointing fingers. yeah. i am. what are you going to do about it? lash out in fury? ooh, that is so you. you, who'd wear a traditional Filipino costume (the vest thing) on a wedding (suppose that the wedding is the modern types we have today). you look silly even without the "formal" article of clothing on your shoulders. and you, who insists on "wearable" clothes, when they have rust stains on them. you wouldn't wear half of what we classified as wearable, let alone the things we classified as unwearable. you people, who wanted, and did get over the rules just because you can. enjoy your precious 160 points, while you sit in the shade while we, the "proletariat" sweat it out under the sun. and you even shout on a full mouth's radius. shame on you.
so, half the post's completely neutral, while the other is angsty. but its healthy, at least i got some of the angst out, and id not name names. riiiiight.. those were giveaways. i hope you feel guilty now, if you should.
it's already june, and thus marking the end of the wild summer. the first summer i experienced jungle log jam, and anchors away and rio grande rapids in enchanted kingdom, and with the people i had grown to like, if i hadn't liked them before, or if they felt somewhat neutral to me. the first summer i really really enjoyed because of the pain it got me, which happily went away eventually, and gave me 1.5s (both in pi 100 and comm 3). i loved my comm 3 class so much eventhough i spent 22 out of 25 meetings whining about spending hours on such matters we did not have to learn, as we are not theater actors. but then, life's a what's it? play? stage? anyway, there are no small roles, just small actors. i was a small actor, in our play. but i learned that however small the part i play in this cycle of complete media nonesense and outright cash-based relationships, i can be a big actor. no bigger than my family or friends. just as big as they are. in the place i am supposed to be.
but the post does not end with that sex and the city or grey's anatomy (which i both liked) ending line. because i still feel angsty amidst all the angst i had released (if you happen to read only this part, please see fourth paragraphs, which contain the fireworks). there is nothing i can do, however except to hope. hope that the pain goes away, and then i receive happiness. hope that everything turns to be a big surprise party. hope that everyone was just preoccupied with much more important (oh, i hope they are very very important) stuff that's why they can not lift a finger for our cause. hope that the year (or at least the semester first) turns out fine. but hoping is futile. so i hope that it won't be. because it will hurt so much, just like the hurt you must be having in your bladder right now. so this post is done, and go release your anger now. just dont pee all over the bathroom floor.
