the earth revolves around whoever

kem cup final results: prc in sixth place (out of 6), dragging 400 points behind the 5th placer.

feeling: sad but content. did not win in final event. *winkwink*

i hate myself for this but then... i hate not winning. especially in this game. i had worked so hard for this, but it did not pay off. i resorted to blaming others for this. i know it's bad, so i stopped doing that.

winning. such a dangerous word. people do things just to win. a lot of people cheat and lie just to win. it has become an ordinary thing to be competitive, to win.

KEM has this tradition of winning, of being competitive by playing without cheating. therefore, the members who compete must be very good because a lot of their competitors are good and also cheat.. this is true for some cases. some cases, luck gets in the way of competence. nobody is perfect, and i believe although we always say that we play games cleanly, we cheat. maybe subconsciusly. or unintentionally. but i'm not pointing.

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let me mention janine. she is one of the persons i know who lives her life by her own rules. she filters stuff said to her. for this, she might be happier than i am.

i do not filter. i accept. i absorb. that's why i get emotional a lot of times. but i try to change. let the earth revolve around me, for me. let it not revolve around whoever in my life. life is meant to be lived not on one set of rules. sometimes, nasasakal na rin ako. i hate being bound so much.

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pat is going home on tuesday. so i hope she sends the letter now so i can work on it. or maybe she will herself.

what good is a language if you do not use it properly.